I, Megaphone
Tired of feeling invisible? Learn to cheer on the confidence of an important person – yourself
We all know a few enviable people who know how to root for themselves. They’re perfectly capable of communicating their skills and strengths without bragging or being obnoxious. They are, in essence, their own cheerleaders.
It’s an admirable skill, especially if you consider what cheerleaders do: They bounce, flip, yell and stay relentlessly upbeat, all while wearing smiles and perfect hairdos.
And it’s not easy: Self-cheerleading is a skill that takes some cultivating. For most people, it involves psychological hurdles and breaking out of lifetime patterns. But the skills and will to cheer yourself on are a must – sometimes, there is nobody to do it for you.
“At the end of the day, you’re selling yourself,” says Wyllisa Bennett, a Los Angeles-based publicist who works with seasoned celebrities such as Dreamgirls musical star Sheryl Lee Ralph and soap star Victoria Rowell. “At the end of the day, you’re trying to win the game.”
Flaunt It
The obvious first step in cheering yourself on is flaunting what you’ve got. That’s difficult, even for people with something interesting to flaunt. For most of her life, Jill Spiegel tried to conceal the fact that her great-great-grandfather, Joseph Spiegel, was the founder of the Spiegel Catalog.
“Around 1993, I decided to capitalize on it rather than be ashamed of it,” says Spiegel, now a Minneapolis-based “flirtologist” who has published several books on the art of getting noticed. When people presume she’s an heiress and ask why she works so hard, Spiegel responds with a snappy but cordial comeback: “I inherited the entrepreneurial spirit – woo, woo!”
If you’re not sure what to flaunt, start by listening to compliments and taking them to heart. “Every time you get a compliment, write it down and ruminate on it,” Spiegel says. “Tell yourself, ‘this is what I am.’”
Brand You
“We talk about brand so much right now,” says Joy Donnell, a Los Angeles-based publicist who has worked with actors such as Samuel L. Jackson. And for good reason: “True brands are bought because people have an affinity for them,” she says.
According to Donnell, the lesson is to create a “brand you” for which people will develop an affinity. While we’re all weary of hearing about the importance of appearance, the plain fact is that it makes an impact.
The conclusion? Always look your best, or at least try to. “When you walk out the door, you’re doing public relations,” says Jill Lublin, a San Francisco-based media trainer and author of “Get Noticed… Get Referrals” (McGraw Hill, 2008).
Spiegel advises creating a style that matches your brand. If you’re a kicky, energetic type, try a quirky hat or pin. If you’re reserved and classic, put together a tailored wardrobe, and add a signature piece such as killer heels or a scarf. “Dress with a subtle edge that makes you stand out,” Spiegel says.
Another standout item: Creative business cards. Forget those white rectangles with black type – business cards or calling cards with a little personality can easily catch the onlooker’s eye.
“We live in a Western society that values identity through a business card,” Lublin says. Even stay-at-home moms should have cards. Aside from being a graceful way to impart contact information, “that’s what will make people remember you and talk about you,” Lublin says.
Get Out There
If a cheerleader rah-rahs in an empty stadium, is she still cheering? Therein lies the next lesson of self-cheerleading: Get out into the world. Go to parties, neighborhood and school meetings, social events – whatever you’re invited to.
Previously private people who are shoved into the spotlight know that the transition isn’t easy. Jack Mackenroth, a season four “Project Runway” contestant now living and designing in New York City, had to get used to the social whirlwind of “Runway”-related events. “I was forced to become extroverted,” he says.
It helped, he says, that he once taught a class. Mackenroth says that experience “put him on a stage” and urges introverts to do the same. Head a committee, a book club or community group to get used to the idea of people looking at you.
Try Teamwork
Imagine the classic cheerleader pyramid. If anyone has a support system, it’s those people – each plays an essential role to keep the structure strong and sturdy.
The same principle works for personal cheerleading. Rely on friends and family for help when you need it, “and ask for specifics,” Lublin advises. For instance, instead of asking a friend if “maybe” she can baby-sit sometime, ask her to watch the kids on specific weekend when you need to attend a conference.
But be careful about asking for advice, or even compliments, from friends and family. Naysaying can come from the most intimate associates, even in the guise of helpful, kind comments. If you need of a confidence boost, Lublin suggests hiring a coach for a session. The coach will see you for who you are, with no history or preconceived notions.
If a deflating comment from a well-meaning naysayer slips through the cracks, don’t let a frown or bad thought sully your confidence. Be like those cheerleaders, who keep smiling and cheering even when their team is points behind.
“Don’t let emotion run your life,” Lublin counsels. “Part of life is learning how to ride the roller coaster gracefully.”
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